• 15:58 Wel, roedd hynny'n siomi. #

• 07:49 I have a combination of Nine Inch Nails and Three Dog Night stuck in my head. Does that make it 27 inch-dogs / nail-night? #

• 07:49 I have a combination of Nine Inch Nails and Three Dog Night stuck in my head. Does that make it 27 inch-dogs / nail-night? #

"We will need to review the witness statements and conduct our own. Also, as soon as our sketch artist arrives we will need the witnesses to sit down with him." Said Agent Filbert. She rarely had patience with local law enforcement, especially when the Sheriff's office doubles as the feed store.

"Oh, we have are own sketch artist. Does good work, too. We recruited him at the county fair. Here, let me show you the sketch."

Williams reviewed the sketch. Years of FBI training taught her to never smile at times like this. She showed the sketch to her partner, Williams. The sketch showed a giant caricature head on a little body. The little body was holding a baseball bat and was wearing a baseball glove.

"Why the bat? There was nothing in the witness statements about a bat."

"See here in the coroner's report? 'Cause of death: hit with something hard, but not sharp.'"

"Blunt force trauma." Williams thought for a moment trying to recall the Times Square caricature artists he hassled when he was a city cop. "But why a baseball bat and not, say, a golf club?"

"No evidence the murderer was a golfer."

When her parents named her "Hazel Filbert" they were condemning her to be either a serial killer or the law enforcement that fights them. Right now, she wasn't sure she made the right choice.

November marks my annual consideration of doing NaNoWriMo, and then realizing I probably wouldn't make it past the first week. This year however, I have some great ideas; the kind of ideas that demand to be written lest the world be left a poorer place from their absence.

The retelling of myth, folklore, and great literature is important as it keeps those stories alive and vital. As such, it is a tremendous duty and undertaking to tell the stories in fresh, new ways.

Idea #1: While topping Apocalypse Now would be difficult, I believe that there are other settings that would give fresh insights (and likely, incites) into Heart of Darkness. Rather than setting Joseph Conrad's work during the Vietnam War, I would set it in the journeys of the Merry Pranksters, with "Further" instead of a steamship. Oh, and instead of hippies, they'd be Smurfs.

Idea #2: Lurking Expectations: Great Expectations retold as an H.P. Lovecraft pastiche with a substantial influence from particle physics. Only completely different.

Compeyson attempts to shift the very stars using dark and eldritch incantations. Then, just before the spell is complete and Cthulhu is released from his watery cell, he realizes that with his obsession on shifting time, he forgot his own wedding. He rushes off to Miss Havisham's with the foreboding knowledge that he must apologize his ass off if he wants to save his own skin.

Just as he arrives as Miss Havisham's, his arch-nemesis, Magwitch catches up with him. ("Magwitch" really isn't his name. It is more of a job title. He is a witch that specializes in the electromagnetic force, and isn't too bad with the weak nuclear force, either).

The very presence of Magwitch's inherent magnetism triggers the near-cataclysmic release of the stray static time charge that Compeyson has built up from his incantations. This release makes the time go wonky, freezing the clock. It also turns Miss Havisham partly into wax, making her extremely flammable. The effects of the electroweak force on the altered gravitational force caused by fucking around with time causes Compeyson and Magwitch to merge three of the four fundamental forces. Unfortunately, no one knew about quantum physics at the time, otherwise they'd now be entering the Nobel Prize city limits: Stockholm next ten exits. In the process of merging the fundamental forces, it also merged the gentlemen in question into something best described as them being two heads of the same Möbius strip-shaped coin.

Oh, and there will be some kid named Pip that shows up from time to time.

Idea #3: Merging the stories (Heart of Expectations...maybe not. People would think it is a romance rather than a work of serious literature.)

Basic plot: Miss Havisham guts and eats Kurtz, and then wears his skin as a meat suit. On second thought, that wouldn't really work as a novel. More of a musical, I think.

Current Mood: literary

Closet Homosexual Win
Originally uploaded by straif

Although she will deny it, I (and several others) have speculated for some time that podling is secretly a furry or otherkin. It is just a matter of her coming out of the species-appropriate habitat. And since it is only a few weeks from Dragon Con, I can think of no better time to contemplate this issue.

Hey kids! Quiz time!

Poll #1449468 But not a real furry <lj user=
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 20

No delusions about being anything other than human

If other, please explain

Current Mood: blue and vaguely feline

Overheard at the movie theater: "Shame on Brad Pitt for making a movie like that." Clearly, someone has never seen Fight Club.

I don't understand that; movies about killing Nazis are one of the best genres ever. Harmless, inoffensive fun. The only people that get offended are Neo-Nazis...and offending Neo-Nazis is even more fun than movies about killing Nazis.

My only complaint was there was too much talking and not enough Nazi killing.

Current Mood: Inglourious

bexspex just walked in the room. "Dude, do I say 'dude' to much? Can you give me a better catchphrase?"

Why did no one tell me about Torchwood sooner? Or if you did tell me, why didn't you make me listen? I can spend hours just listening to those lovely, lovely South Walian accents.

And just out of curiosity, I know that in American movies and TV, there is the stereotype of the Englishman--Giles from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, for example. Is Captain Jack Harkness the British stereotype of an American?

I've been sort of obsessively watching and re-watching Firefly and Serenity lately. Thanks to the extras on the Serenity DVD, I now have this stuck in my head:



Damn, you Joss. Damn you all to hell.

Current Mood: G-23 Paxilon Hydrochlorate

see more Fail Blog

"The story is first person past tense," I said.

But sometimes my internal expository dialog slips into present tense, especially when I'm describing my opinions about the time, place, and events at the current point in the narration. I wonder if that is a problem.

I stared at the screen for a few minutes. "Perhaps you know," I said to no one in particular.

Current Mood: tense

The Wikipedia article Exposition (literary technique) references, among other things, an episode of "Spongebob Squarepants."

Since it is the free encyclopedia that anyone can edit, I suppose that in the section on information dumps and idiot lectures I could be helpful and refer to every episode of CSI, CSI:NY, and CSI:Miami ever made. One investigator to another: "What are you doing?" "I'm comparing fingerprints. Fingerprints are unique to each person, so if I find a match we've found our criminal."

Current Mood: [Citation Needed]

Acura chose an curious name for their crossover SUV--the Acura RDX. I believe that the name "RDX" was chosen to pay homage to the iconic Ford Pinto.

Lincoln is currently running ads for their MKS luxury sedan. The ads feature a synth-pop cover of Peter Schilling's "Major Tom (Coming Home)". The music suggests that the car has all the high tech features and the performance of a rocket ship (but one would hope with more legroom). Unfortunately, the song also suggests that the car will suffer a catastrophic failure and leave you stranded on a deserted highway where you will eventually die from exposure.

Current Mood: Driven

The problem with Livejournal is that we all think we are so close, but really, we know nothing about each other. Good.

• 11:40 Guide books and gift shops / tourist season in Salem / OMG witches! #